Swedish Labrador guests with their owners

Sweedish Wooffie visitors at Portland House.

We had 12 wonderful working woofies to stay – labrador gun dogs from Sweden, 10 black and two golden. Wow …………was I outnumbered and outclassed! OK I admit it – they were a deal more obedient than me. At least I got to sleep in the house though. Staying with us with their lovely owners – 6 charming Swedish ladies. So these fabulous Swedish cousins were handsome and clever, whilst I’m pretty and cute. Differing gifts I reckon. How classy is that I ask you?! We just loved having them stay, so the message to all the ladies and dogs – Patricia with Millie and Tiger, Bitte with Riko and Jones, Inger with Quail, Meg and Copper, Ann- Maj with Mark, Karina with Sushi and Hedning, Tina with Fokus and Zluggo (some weird names eh!) – is do come back again, it was fun.

Jam making

Well what a busy weekend we’ve just had to end August on. Over the bank holiday I was dashing in and out of the garden all the time because people wanted to see me and have a cuddle.

Behind the scenes there was a jam and bread making session going on every day over the weekend. The damson tree had been harvested and there were buckets of the things waiting to be jammed or pickled or jellied. And raspberries from the freezer had to be made into jam because we were running out of the stuff fast! My mistress made 8 loaves of bread over the weekend because all our guests couldn’t get enough of the stuff, as well as sample all the jams. You’d think there was a famine! I’m like that with pigs ears actually – so not to be out done I dug up 2 of my stock to eat on Saturday. Well wasn’t going to left out.

But what really lovely people we had to stay and we’re glad they enjoyed their food so much. Especially ‘Chantal and the girls’, and Shona and Isobel of course. Do come and see us again but let us stock up again please!

Geocaching

Now forgive me if I am wrong but I think us Wooffies have been doing this geocaching for a long time. I mean, what’s new about burying something and looking for it later?

If any of you wants to hunt for old bones and other things I’ve buried I’m happy to let you. I’ve got plenty buried away around here and I can dot some good clues around the place for you too.

Then I’ll get him and her to tell you what the co-ordinates are (whatever co-ordinates mean ……I think that’s a human thing probably, when you haven’t got a good sense of smell you have to give out clues?)

So if you come and stay with us – Join the Jess treasure hunt.
But don’t forget – don’t leave a mess behind …..just a treat for me.

MP’s Expenses

MP expenses also stands for My Pet’s expenses and I’m barking mad at the moment because MP expenses in this House have been investigated and refused because of all these dreadful human MP Expenses. You may recall I had built myself a second home to avoid Swine Flu (see earlier blog). I put in an expenses claim to him and her for some new soft furnishing like another blanket (well there’s no central heating down there and it can be cold at night). And I asked for a doggie subsistence allowance for my extra food store. Unlike the human MPs I didn’t think there was going to be any opposition but both these have been refused because I won’t live far enough away from The House. So I’ve got a bone to pick with him and her, and I’ll collar one of them before the end of the day to appeal against the decision. A lick or two should do it or I’ll lead them a merry dance if they don’t change their minds.

Golf weekend

I’m f..f.f…freeezing. She took me for a cut and blow dry last week. Every year it’s the same, I get my winter coat cut and then the temperature dips to zero. She hasn’t a clue what she’s doing to me. So I just have to roll around in mud to get some extra padding on me to keep warm. The weather was pants this weekend. Pouring with rain and so windy, we had a lot of golfers here over the weekend who braved the weather. Well when they get that juiced up with booze the night before they don’t notice what it’s like. It’s a wonder they can find their balls really. I’d help but I’m not invited out with them. Shame really cos if I was running around finding their balls for them I’d be keeping myself warm. You’ll be please to know that I finished digging my bunker (my last blog) so if necessary I’m off down there to escape the swine flu and the pigs flying over.

Avoiding Swine Flu

I’m in trouble, I’m filthy dirty and the garden is a mess. Well you’ve got to look after number one. My way to avoid this swine flu pandemic is to dog-dig down and make my own bunker in the garden so I can bunk down there for the duration and avoid the swine flu. I’ve already collected a load of bones and bacon rinds so I’ll not starve. They think it’s a load of unnecessary panic and it’s just the media cooking up a storm again, as if humans haven’t got enough to worry about at the moment. But I’m not taking any chances and I reckon they’re jealous that I can dig my way out of real trouble, it’s humans usually just dig themselves into a ‘hole load of trouble’ – ha!
I’ll be proved to be right, I’m not barking mad. So I say to other wooffies – take my advice…… dog-dig like me and the ’swines’ won’t get you even if the bacon rind does!

See my bunker hole on Youtube later this week.

Here’s the footage!.

Ryder Cup 2010 Celtic Manor

They’ve only just realised what a good accommodation venue we’ve got for the Ryder Cup 2010 at Portland House. Honestly what can you do with humans – can’t see what’s in front of them. We’re only 25 minutes up the A40 from the Celtic Manor which is the venue for the Golf championship next year. So I think they’d better get their act together and start some serious advertising. Of course it might mean we have to move out for the duration and I bet they stick me in kennels – I don’t mind Auntie Debbie there looks after me very well and she understands me. She’s not always wanting to cuddle me for goodness sake.
But we’ve got 7 bedrooms, all ensuite. Less than 30 mins journey time to Celtic Manor, pubs in walking distance, off street parking. Somebody is going to want that sort of accommodation for themselves and their friends surely?

Going to the vet.

I’m off to the Vets this evening, ‘my booster and check-up’ she said. All I know is that it means someone in a white coat will grab me near my collar and stick a needle in me. And if that’s not bad enough then I’ll have a thermometer stuck up you know where. The indiginity of it. And because I’m going to the Vet I’ve had to have a bath this morning. What for?! I’m a dog. She’s lucky I haven’t gone and rolled in the compost heap this afternoon. If she doesn’t take me for a walk soon I will. She’ll take me soon though because she’ll want me to be tired when we get there. I’m not very well behaved at the Vets that’s why. I bark at the other dogs. So I get left in the car until the Vet is ready to see me! Well I like making a noise and setting all the other dogs off, it gets boring otherwise just sitting there. I can’t read a magazine and there’s no toys to play with.

Sheila’s Wheels.

Even though I’m a girl dog I can’t stand that advert for Sheila’s Wheels car insurance. As soon as I hear the ITN news finishing I know it’s coming on before the weather and it makes me bark and jump at the TV screen. I bet I’m not the only one who hates it either….. let me know what you think! Those stupid women’s voices sounding like a girl group in an American B movie in the 1950s. Not that I was around then you understand but I’ve watched that sort of film on Sky when I’ve been waiting to be taken out for walk.

Easter at Portland House.

Well Easter has come and gone. And we had lots of nice people to stay. I had a lot of responsibility too. Sometimes I could be Nurse Jess because an elderly couple found it very comforting if I sat on their knees – one at a time of course – and let them stroke me. Other times I was entertainments officer playing with new friends in the garden. So goodbye to Emily and Ben who went home today, but come and see me again. And a big kiss for Imogen who went home on Monday and who wrote lovely words in the room book about me during her stay.