Archive for the ‘Golf breaks in the Wye Valley’ Category

I bet there’s a lot of human females looking at their male partner’s eye sockets today and thinking ……so that’s why!!! Or hoping…… – now that was a naughty thought Jess!

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Jess says-

Well are you ready? I am. I’ve got my bed and blanket on the floor in front of  the TV ready to bark at anyone who stops Team GB winning loads of medals.

Wish I’d applied to G4S now as a security dog – I could have had a grandstand view. Well surely they must need small wooffies as well as big ones. I can get to places a big woof can’t.

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Here’s an email we got copied into this week.  One of the best and  our favourite annual group of golfers that come and stay here. This must have been written after he sobered up. He’d have had to have waited until the others’ eyes have stopped being blood-shot too so they could read it.


Subject:WC 2011 Review


Dear sirs


Started this a while back and dipped in and out of it and now that my losers depression has worn off (marginally, lol) just wanted to add a final few words of review to what was again a cracking wyeder cup, I’m sure there are many other chapters but I got a tad bored.



This year we welcomed 4 rookies to the wyeder cup experience, 3 thinnies and a fatty although that’s not how they lined up. PJ (Simon) and Duncan joined team thinnie while DaveO and Jon  (aka the voice of Robert Llewellyn from Scrapheap Challenge) joined the fat camp.


Friday – modified greensomes

In a shock to everyone Bren was not last to arrive, in fact we were all there in good time but somehow still seemed to rush and be late for our booked tee times. Returning from a 24 month golf sabbatical, 2009 MVP Chris lead things off for the 2011 event and duly didn’t clear the ladies tee……….in hindsight this was the beginning of the end for team thinnie, lol.

Team fat got ahead early and despite some late panics in the final holes the lead off (Jags & Jon) and closing (Bren and Stu) matches were all won by a clear hole (3 point) margin. Meanwhile the match of the day was the middle pairing where Adam and Dave handed a sporting half to the thinnie combo of rich and robT on the 18th.


Match Score Thinnies 0.5 v Fatties 2.5


The evening entertainment (after the mentalist taxi driver) was in the dizzy heights of Monmouth, the drugs capital of Gwent (?) where. 11 of us went for a curry, but not an Indian, a Bangladeshian, meanwhile an MIA alert was launched for Jon who was undeterred by Google reports that there were no gentleman lounges in Monmouth.  RobT made it 2 curries in 24 hours and was overjoyed with this. Bren fell in love with the waiter and his unrivalled helpfulness…..Stu got the bill, couldn’t count the money so in stepped Jags who paid (not that Stu can remember).


Saturday – am: Fourball, better ball

The weather was much improved from the Friday afternoon “fine rain that soaks you through” but the hangovers added a definite haze to the morning. I spotted I guy that looked like Mark Durden-Smith waiting to tee off after us. Stu then asked me if I’d seen that Mark Durden-Smith was waiting to tee off behind us. Again fatties with the edge on the tee.

There is a quality video of RobT ram-raiding his buggy out of the boxed in corner it was in (to follow) and someone has the hazy team photos from the 1st tee somewhere (Bren?) including one of Stu and Adam, well, getting close to one another……

As for the golf it was  another horror start for thinnies and another fat start to build early leads in all matches, that despite stu nearly taking out fellow fatty, Dave while he was driving to the 4th tee. My own personal hangover haze didn’t lift until the 12th and in the “comeback of the weekend” worked hard with Simon to turn a 4point deficit on stu and jags with 5 holes to play in to a 2 point lead standing on 18. Cue the worst 4 wyeder cup tee shots that hole has ever seen, no really, 2 in the water half way there, one on the lip of the river bank again half way there and one in the pond. Stunning. But for thinnies it was to be the sole point added to scoresheet as again team fat simply ate up the thinnie opposition.

Notable performances, as much as pains me, has to go to Adam and Bren for what can only be describe as a massacre of rich and Duncan, Adam apparently scored 41 points which you might not have heard about???!!! (NB – golfshake only shows 40…… J). Additionally newbies Jon and Dave also notched their second points out of two I believe – although I may have messed up who the pairings were on Fri, above.


Lunch was taken in a blur for the captains who were last in and first out again the afternoon. I think we had ham egg and chips, with exception of RobT who must have had a curry.


Match Score: Thinnies 1.5 v Fatties 4.5


Saturday – pm: Singles matchplay

With the cup technically still to play for the thinnies needed a near whitewash of the singles to retain the cup but form indicators weren’t there and with the pairing of Chris v Jon predetermined thinnies couldn’t use a sacrifice play with Chris to match up against Bren or Dave and hope to win the other 5. Fair play to the thinnies though, we showed that team fat does eventually play fat and tired and also played collectively better when play as individuals within a team not individuals making up a team……..I’m sure there’s something in that but no idea what.

Anyway Captain v Captain match was a ding dong battle with the first 6 holes being traded, meanwhile alongside Adam was averaging out his mornings form and was too bad, I mean rich was too good and their match was done early. With that win and Captain thinnie in a position to go Dormie-4  on the 14th, the tide was turning for team thinnie, alas it was a thinnie dawn and 3 of the 4 matches behind were well in control of fat hands.

Singles match of the day appeared to be the middle match of Jags v RobT, the only match settled on 18 but by that point it was all over and the cup relinquished by team thinnie. For now.

Worth noting that going in the final matchplay this was the first year that the singles matches were tied in wyeder cup history.

Adam didn’t score 41 points in the afternoon, this you may also have heard?!!.


Final score Thinnies 4.5 v Fatties 7.5 – Fatties win the Wyeder Cup


Sadly no arguments, chapeau to team fat, never really in doubt after the opening matches. Cue the celebrations and bosh we are level at 3 stars each!!.


Roll of honour: big hand once again goes out to John and Jenny & all @ Portland House.


2012: Returning from 3 year captaincy sabbatical Rich will be at the helm for Team Thinnie to square up against Stu as reigning victorious captain.


For the love of golf. And beer, to my right…….1


Signing off

Captain K-man



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I’m f..f.f…freeezing. She took me for a cut and blow dry last week. Every year it’s the same, I get my winter coat cut and then the temperature dips to zero. She hasn’t a clue what she’s doing to me. So I just have to roll around in mud to get some extra padding on me to keep warm. The weather was pants this weekend. Pouring with rain and so windy, we had a lot of golfers here over the weekend who braved the weather. Well when they get that juiced up with booze the night before they don’t notice what it’s like. It’s a wonder they can find their balls really. I’d help but I’m not invited out with them. Shame really cos if I was running around finding their balls for them I’d be keeping myself warm. You’ll be please to know that I finished digging my bunker (my last blog) so if necessary I’m off down there to escape the swine flu and the pigs flying over.

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